Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent Ids, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone? I've been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.
Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God,
Is is true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?
Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever smell one another? Where are their priorities?
Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed can't have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eage the Chrysler Beagle!
Dear God,
If a dog barks its head off in a forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God, If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?
Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God,
Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets again?
A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."
What happened to him?"
The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line."
Sorry guys but I thought this one was cute
The following ad (for real) in The Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls:
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.
I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours.
Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
Men are so easy...
Dogs are being picked off one at a time (shot) all over America!!! Police in the US advise all dog owners to "Watch your Dog."
They don't understand why this is happening or why anyone would commit such a cowardly act.
However, they have some clues that could lead to an arrest very soon.
A Letter To Our Dogs
Dear Dogs:
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating Me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets.
1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, she's a dog.
To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs are better than kids.
They eat less,
don't ask for money all the time,
are easier to train,
usually come when called,
never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends,
don't smoke or drink,
don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups.
TRICK OR TREAT |
Doggie Humor 
